


That Awkward Moment When You're Attracted To Santa Because You're Dan Howell | {Phan}

by momstiel



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward Flirting, But it's gay, Christmas Fluff, Elf! Dan, Flirty Dan, Gay, Hugs, I really suck at tags but this story is kawaii, Let's pretend I added more tags, Love at First Sight, M/M, Santa! Phil, christmas exchange, sitting on santa's lap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 04:04:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5524745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momstiel/pseuds/momstiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Ho, Ho, Ho... Sit On Santa's Lap."</p><p>When Dan's hired as an Elf in his local mall, he's less than enthusiastic. But when a too-hot-for-Christmas Santa is assigned to work with him, he plans on being his 'Special Little Elf'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Awkward Moment When You're Attracted To Santa Because You're Dan Howell | {Phan}

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lokithegodofsass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokithegodofsass/gifts).



> _ “Ho, ho, ho… Sit on Santa’s lap.” _
> 
>  

Dan had always managed to find himself in the  most awkward of situations, and today was no exception. Narrowing his eyes slightly, he stared at his reflection. His elf ears stuck out like a sore thumb, leaving him to look like some kind of emo elf. What even was worse - was that his normal black outfit was exchanged for some kind of ridiculous vibrant getup. It looked like Christmas had thrown up all over him. “God.” He said in disgust, tearing his eyes away from the mirror. There was no way the mall actually expected him to leave the bathroom like  _ that _ .

 

Just as he was about to take his costume off, the lightness in his pocket reminded him he couldn’t. Mumbling, Dan grumpily headed out of the men's restroom. He couldn’t believe that out of all the jobs he applied for in the mall, this was the only one he qualified for. Even Hot Topic didn’t accept him (Personally he felt a little betrayed for that one, but hey- what could he do?). 

 

Opening the door, Dan walked out of the restroom, allowing the somewhat muted music to spring to full volume in a matter of seconds.  _ Ah. Christmas songs. The chant of brainwashed cult members as they slowly take over the world with their Christmas-y joy.  _ He couldn’t help but to find himself humming along with “Deck The Halls”, though.  _ What? It’s catchy.  _

 

Temporarily forgetting that he looked like an absolute moron, Dan walked down the vacant mall openings. Sure enough, right in main center of the mall, the whole center was decked out in Red, White, and Green decorations.  _ Oh. Fun. Christmas already puked all over this place.  _ He wrinkled his nose. 

 

_ I could finish Free! in the time that I’ll be working this shift!  _ He thought grumpily, finally reaching the huge “Santa Throne”. Dan was so bothered in his thoughts, he hadn’t even checked out who the mall had hired as Santa this time. Probably some old pedophile who only applied for this job for some extra cash and free access to having younger girls in his lap. Dan shivered.  _ God that’s morbid.  _ He thought. 

 

Following the red carpet that lead to the throne, he finally decided to catch a sneak peak of this year’s Santa. Looking up at the throne, the Howell arched his eyebrows in confusion. It was unoccupied. Even though the mall was opening in thirty minutes, Dan still assumed the man should have been up there by now. 

 

His eyes darted around the other workers who were dressed up as elves. Sure enough, he towered over the limited workers that wore the same outfit as him. If Dan didn’t know better, he would have thought it was a joke for someone wanting him to play an elf. But, since the bigger group of humanity didn’t totally want to be embarrassed by wearing such of a getup, only a few slots were filled. His “week manager” told him that due to his height that he would be Santa’s “special elf”. And that was one thing that Dan did not want to be called. But apparently he’d be the one closest to Santa, lifting children on and off of his lap.  _ Fun.  _

 

Taking up his spot, Dan decided to walk over to the throne to await for the old critter to make his way over. A singing voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Dan glanced over, a man in a huge red robe approaching them came into view. He sang along to music, oblivious to the world around him. But as he came closer, Dan nearly fell over onto the throne.  _ DAMN! I WANT TO SIT ON HIS LAP. _

 

Approaching him in a slow manner was a young man wearing a Santa suit. His eyes were bright and beautiful. Dan temporarily got lost in the pools of their beauty. Starstruck, he was left looking like an awkward dweeb as the man passed by him and sat down on his seat. 

  
“Sorry, I was late.” Santa said, halting his singing so he could converse with Dan. He pulled his beard down, revealing a youthful face. Laughing softly, the man put a hand up to make sure that Dan was the only one that could hear him. “Shh. It’s getting a bit stuffy with a big beard tickling my chin.” He let out a small laugh. 

 

Dan opened his mouth to say something, but no words fell out. He decided to quickly close his lips and nod. Letting out a “pfft” sound, he let out a nervous laughter. “You’re technically not that late. But sorry if this is blunt… but why are you so young and not some odd pedophile?” 

 

Phil’s eyes lit up, reflecting his general optimistic side. “I was waiting for that. Yeah. Well apparently last year old Santa had a heart attack mid-meet and greet. Poor kids were traumatized.” He said the last part sadly, taking a minute of silence. “So the mall doesn’t want that to happen again so they started to look on the lower side of the age range.” 

 

Dan nodded, letting out a little laugh. What happened wasn’t funny, but it seemed like such of an unbelievable thing. “Well… You don’t have heart problems, do you Sa-” He paused, realizing that it would be awkward to refer to him as ‘Santa’. 

 

“-Phillip. Phil. Roar.” The man answered, sensing where Dan was going. “And no, I don’t, El-.” Phil purposely cut it off right there to stay in tune with what Dan had said. He gave the other a cheeky smile that almost made Dan’s heart melt. 

  
“Dan.” Howell finished for the boy despite it was obvious that Phil was just messing with him. 

 

“So, Dan. You’re a massive elf.” Phillip joked, letting out an adorable little laugh. He sat down in his throne, leaning back in amusement. His words weren’t meant to insult, but merely to amuse. 

  
Dan forced out a small laugh whilst rubbing his neck awkwardly. “Well, let’s say that I didn’t exactly get this job based on my looks. But apparently the mall wants me to be…” He lifted his up his hands to air quote what his manager had called him. “Santa’s _ Special  _ Elf.” The brunette replied.  _ I’ll be his ‘special’ elf anyday.  _ He thought to himself, glancing down Phil’s body to check him out. But he was disappointed by the time he remembered the other was wearing a bodysuit and dressed like Santa.  _ Way to fail, Dan.  _ He thought to himself, cringing internally. 

 

Phil just let out a laugh. “All elves are special!” He declared childishly, sounding purely innocent. But by the look in his eyes, Dan know that he was genuinely a pure hearted person that didn’t get the dirty reference. 

 

“Well, Dan. It’ll be almost time for the mall to open. So you must be ready,  _ special elf. _ ” Phillip winked in a nonsexual manner that confused the ever living hell out of Dan. 

*** 

_  
_ _ “Mommy! I want to swit on Santa’s wap!” _

“Wait your turn, sweetie. We’ll see Santa soon.” 

“ _ BWUT I WANNA SEE SANTA NOW.”  _

  
  


Dan wiped a drop of sweat from his forehead. Even though only about twenty kids had came at this time, just seeing the long line was enough to wear him out. Between shrieking children, chatting parents, and loud employees, the Christmas music was almost fully drowned out. Even though Dan knew it would be a hassle, he hadn’t even assumed that lifting kids on and off of Phil’s lap would ever be  **this** hard. In the small lapse of about forty minutes (and there was still six hours left) the kids had already managed to kick him, pull on him, or even go as far as to actually  _ cuss  _ at him. Honestly, Dan had never seen his faith in humanity vanish quicker. Even though Phil held his goofy smile and bright mood, it was obvious that this wasn’t exactly his favorite hobby either. Basically it was a constant battle to keep Phil’s beard up from being pulled down by some grubby little kid.

 

He couldn’t afford to think of how much of a pain this was, he had to help the next kid out. Sure enough, a little nine year old kid was waiting his turn to be on Santa’s lap. His arms were extended and open, wanting to be picked up. Dan smiled awkwardly, and picked up the boy.  _ So many children..  _ He thought. 

 

Dan placed the kid on Santa’s lap without any enthusiasm, holding a fake and forced smile. Sure enough, Phil’s eyes lit up. “Ho, ho. Sit on Santa’s lap.” The black haired beauty told the kid. Once again, the Howell was confused by how Phillip managed to maintain a generally happy mask. “What’s your name, cutie?” 

 

The little boy frowned slightly. “Thom.” He answered with little to no emotion. 

 

“Well, Thom.” Phil started, reaching over and grabbing a candy cane from the complimentary bowl for all the kids. “What do you want for Christmas?” He asked. 

 

“For my dads to be able to get married.” Despite his little body, Thom proved to have mature and big thoughts. “My daddies love each other but they say that laws won’t let them marry. Maybe that’ll change in 2022.” 

 

Phil’s smile softened as he looked down at the boy. “Santa will see what he can do about that.” He smiled, motioning for Dan to take the kid off of his lap. The Howell was temporarily glued in spot, staring at the other. From his gentle smiles to his obnoxious laughter, Dan knew there was something special about this man. “My special elf will take you back now.” He cued for Dan. 

 

Kicking himself out of it, Dan picked up Thom and placed him on the ground.

***

 

“And…” Dan started, his eyes on the clock. “... Our shift is officially over.” He announced, turning to look at Phil. The stores around them were shutting down, pulling down their metallic bars. Also the huge swarms of people were gone, filling the middle of the mall with an eerie silence. The music and decorations were off, killing the Christmas joy. 

 

Phil smiled, peeling himself from the throne. He removed his red hat and pulled down his beard. “I guess it is. Time to go home and prepare for tomorrow!” 

Dan watched Phillip with a grin. “Getting up so early?” He chuckled. “What if I wanted to tell Santa what I wanted for Christmas?” Even though his comment was just to start conversation, Dan hoped that Phil would agree to some extent. 

 

“Well, I guess I’m Santa until I take this costume off…” Phil burst into light laughter at how ridiculous the situation was. “So…” He sat back down in his chair, opening his arms. “Tell me, Dan. What do you want for Christmas?” He laughed. 

 

Dan looked at Phil in shock before cracking into nervous laughter.  _ This kid is too innocent for his own good.  _ He thought with a small smile. Even though he attempted to look reluctant, Dan was enjoying Phil’s acceptance. “Har. Har.” Leaning down and sitting in Santa’s lap, Dan crossed his arms. “Black shirts would be nice.” 

 

“Only black shirts? What about some color? Some pow! Something… not that boring.” Phil asked, resituating himself so that Dan could sit on him comfortably. 

  
“Yep. I’d hate to actually have more depth than an eight year old.” Dan commented with a grin, recalling a certain little boy he had met earlier that day. 

 

“Oh, yes. That would be an awful crime.” Phil’s lips curled into a smile. Catching Dan’s wavelength of thoughts, he commented on the similar issue. “So, Danny-” 

 

“Don’t call me that.” 

 

The older man chuckled. “Okay.  _ Dan _ .” Phil corrected himself. “What do you think of Thom’s dream?” He wondered. “You know… what do you think about gay marriage? Do you think it should be made legal?” Santa asked. 

  
Dan paused, temporarily fazed by Phil’s sudden question. “Well of course I think it should be made legal.I mean… I want to get married someday…” Howell answered before stopping in his tracks as what he said sunk in. “I mean… pfft. Sure.” 

 

“Same.” Phil just smiled. He answered before an awkward silence swept up between them. Dan slowly decided to get up, pulling himself away from Phil. “I think I should be heading out…” He whispered, smiling softly. 

 

“See you tomorrow?” Phil asked. 

 

Dan grinned. “Only if I get to sit on your lap again, Santa.” He winked playfully. 

 

“Well…” Phil blushed and let out a little laugh. “You can count on it.” He assured. “As long as you’re my  _ special _ elf.” 

 

Dan smiled under a facepalm, heading down the red carpet. He was wrong.  _ This job wasn’t given to a creepy old pervert. The job was instead given to a man who attracted creepy gay perverts.  _ He smiled softly, not caring that he was still wearing his elf ears. “Goodnight, Phillip.” 

 

“Goodnight, Danny-boy.” Phil called out. 

 

“Don’t call me that.” 

 

  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a Phandom Christmas Fic Exchange! 
> 
> Original asked prompt: 
> 
> Dan works as an elf at the mall for Christmas and Phil's their new Santa. Pining from Dan and maybe Phil being oblivious? (I think "oops sat on Santa's lap" would be funny but that's just me) ty
> 
> -lokithegodofsass


End file.
